The Black Dog

This is an ancient Mayan story.

An old woman sits at the mouth of a cave in which there is a fire and a huge boiling cauldron over the fire. Periodically the woman stirs the pot with all the things of life in it. This woman is the goddess who deals with the whole incarnations of beings. She has two tasks. She stirs the pot and you are in it, by the way. You have been stirred lately, right? I know you have. And you will be further.

Her second task is to knit a quilt to cover the earth. So she sits in her chair, rocks back and forth and knits the quilt. She weaves in porcupine quills, feathers from exotic birds, the fabric of silkworms and beautiful dreams and many more amazing things are used in this process. When she finishes this weaving, this knitting, and the whole earth will be covered by the cloak and the world will come to an end, as we know it.

Sitting next to her is an old black dog. We all know that black dog, don't we? It was here since the beginning of time. Every once in a while the old woman has to get up, stop knitting and go to stir the pot. When she is away the mischievous black dog grabs the cloak and undoes what she has woven so far, so she has to sit back and start all over again. That's why the world can't end.
-Jack Cornfield

Earthworms

Earthworms are interesting survivors. They pass through the soil as an open ended tube or the earth passes through them. They enrich the earth. The earth nourishes them back. They do not hold anything to themselves, no attachments. 'Let go' is their whole life. They just pass through. Probably the whole soil in this planet has already passed through numerous generations of earthworms. An earth worm can be called the mother of all. We too have been passing through the earth like earthworms for millions of years. We can also be called mothers of earth. But is't that the case with all animals, plants and the rest? So there is no point in dividing things in this planet, as the whole planet is an organism that grows, transforms and dissolves into a new being each moment, same with the universe. Amazing!

Rain in the night

A fast train of thoughts passes through the night rain

Foggy cloud of mixed emotions, which is the fuel

to trigger the next train of thoughts to follow

Heavy downpour continues...

Music of rain, a solo violin played underwater

white threads, water strings, tuned tension

Now the rain stops, trees continue to rain

Solo piano notes, drip, drip, drip…

Now everything stops. 
S i l e n c e.

Sun Worshippers

After seeing a post-impressionist show recently, I realize that all of their works are about light. Well, art is possible only with light and shade, after all. Impressionists were all about making light as a subject. A scene is just an agent for the depiction of this content. Monet is the best example of this with his almost ‘sun worshipping’ approach to painting. His colors in the reflections are a rare thing to experience in an original.



As proposed by Einstein, light is composed of photons, these very small packets of energy. The reason that photons are able to travel at light speed is due to the fact that they have no mass. So light travels and arrives somewhere. Darkness is just the absence of light. Darkness does not have any particles. So darkness does not have material existence. It seems like it does. But it disappears at the arrival of light. Simple law of physics. 


Thanks to the phenomena called light in this universe and the memory of impressionist works still brightens my mind with some hope. 

‘Ignorance is the cause for suffering. When the bright light of wisdom arrives, the darkness of ignorance disappears’ -Upanishad.

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Painting above:  ‎'The Cliffs at Etretat' by Monet. This is at the Normandy Beach in France. Monet wrote to his friend about this work saying that it was difficult to get this view from this particular spot as it was tough to climb down there to get the angle he wanted. It is always nice to know some anecdote related to a painting. For some reason this painting stood out in the show for me. The reflections of the golden light is magical in with his brush work. Colours he used for the sand are rare too.

Moving Mountain

Once a mountain got really bored with standing still for long periods of time. So he decided to move, closed his eyes and imagined that he was slowly moving sidewards. It was enjoyable for a while but the moment he opened his eyes it all went away. As his boredom grew he got obsessed with closing the eyes and imagining the moving. He then found another method by looking at the sky when the clouds were passing by. Thus he would have the illusionary feeling that he was slowly moving. Then he would also start looking around at the swaying trees and the flowing river to get the same feeling. He then expanded this practice by focusing on flying birds and shooting stars. Then he realized that he could move faster as the concentration and mindfulness got focused and more perfected. He was filled with the joy of moving life around him and always one with the movement that engulfed him. It was a dance for him then and by that time he had already become the dance.

T h e . b o t t l e

A bottle has a form like anything else. That's a specific bottle. But how about the idea of a bottle? Who came up with it? The whole history of a bottle. It is very much googlable! Empty bottles create an environmental problem of course when there is no system to recycle them. Some bottles are really good art forms, especially alcohol bottles. I have noticed if someone is obsessed with the looks of a bottle, probably he likes to drink often. Everything revolves around a bottle for him. Some people like talking about past alcohol experience which is as enjoyable as a drinking session. The space that contained by a bottle completes the meaning of the bottle, as in the analysis of the nature of reality goes. But what good will that exercise bring? If someone is suffering from the attraction of the bottles, it may be a good idea to stay away from them. The bottom line is the contained determines the functional quality of the container, right?

R o p e - b u r n

A tight fist will have rope burn

When one possesses and clings to someone

s/he also will feel the squeezing of your heart

So let it go and let it all go

If you lie through the teeth it will end up in root canal

Because lying is very stressful and stress decays the teeth

If you are addicted to something, you cannot enjoy it

because you are afraid of losing it while you're having it.

If you manipulate a situation for your desires

it will bring no joy because those desires are only yours

and the real joy is only in sharing of the fortunes

So, let it go let it go and let it all go

From morning till evening

From love to fights and wars

From childhood to old age

From birth to death

let it all go...

Grey area

"There is no need to tell someone who already knows; and there is no point in telling the one who does not know already. Thus silence is the best", the Zen saying goes. A senior friend once commented to that, "He must have been a lazy teacher!" Another one, "The most profound statements are often said in silence." or "usually talkers don't do much and doers don't talk much" We love these kinds of absolute conclusions. They have a profound appeal to them. But the truth is not a black and white phenomenon. It always hides in the details of the grey area. I think it can be only seen through the context in which it is applied on a case by case basis.

Back Again 2012!

2012! New Year! It's that time of the year when whole world says that another year has gone. But isn't it all just a perception? The moments we cherish and only the moments we lived fully, matter. Other times we just try to survive or strive to make some meaning out of all these. Anyway, when everybody says happy new year, it evokes a sense that the better days are ahead of us. This is a good feeling. So, to all of my FB friends, twitter buddies and the rest of my dear ones who 're not on any of the social or anti social networks, have a great year ahead of you! Keep your spirits high! It's all happening for good for sure.

the audience

If I have to prove all my thoughts and actions

to an imaginary audience in my mind

and I have picked up a habit of analyzing

everything comes across my way always,

I am missing out something really precious.

running commentary

We judge,

analyze, compare and comment on

people, objects, places and incidents

always, all the time...

If I say,

"I have no comment about this moment",

that too is a running commentary!

It has become 'about' something

rather than life as it is,

as a direct experience.

Hungry Ghosts

Is pleasure happiness?

or is it just a distraction

form unhappiness?

Doesn't pleasure have

the tendency to destroy

it's own host,

when it is pushed too much?

and how much is too much?

Is excitement happiness?

Once we are used to it

we expect that all the time.

We feel uneasy and lacking

when we are not exuberant.

At which point the passion

for something or someone,

an obsession, compulsion,

becomes an addiction?

Aren't we all in the realm

of Hungry Ghosts, in a way?

______________________

The Realm of Hungry Ghosts:

Hungry Ghosts have huge, empty stomachs, but their thin necks don't allow nourishment to pass. Food turns to fire and ash in their mouths. Psychologically, Hungry Ghosts are associated with addictions, compulsions and obsessions. People who have everything but always want more may be Hungry Ghosts. (Ref: The Tibetan Book of the Dead)

Obvious cycle

Earth takes this immense task of breathing life back into the vestige humans have generated. We kill, consume and trash. Soil breathes into it. Like fire, layers of earth burn the morbid and bring back new life. Ashes make it fertile. Monsoon nourishes it. When fire in every atom, every molecule and every bacteria takes care of the decay, we humans are still in the realm of hungry ghosts with our selective indifference and blind greed. We have this unending urge for indulgence; or we have fallen into that habit pattern. As the ego devours resources voraciously, whether unknowingly or not, slowly destroys itself during the process of over indulgence. The mechanism gets burned out. A sense of well being is lost. Thus this 'birth-habits-disease-aging-death'- an obvious cycle of misery is repeated endlessly.

It in that

I just saw it,

then it went away from that, in an instance.

Now this is just as mundane as before.

What happened?

Then again it came back before I know it.

Now it is still there.

I really don't want to lose it.

But I realize I can not insist.

I can not demand, can I?

May be it was there before.

I could not see it.

t h e . w h e e l

My perception is recreating my reality

moment by moment by moment.

I am reborn every split second.

This is the real reincarnation.

Thus life is an ongoing process

So does our mind or 'minding'.

Death is not the end of life.

It is just the end of this particular,

unique set of perception called 'me'

which is also changing always.

Am I feeling this 'theoretical eternity' at all?

Is this information helping to reduce my pain ?

Is this knowledge helping me to get rid of my suffering?

If it is not experiential on a daily basis,

what is the point of knowing this?

In the middle of all the life's chaos and craziness,

I should be able to let go of everything and be free,

stay still and calm like the midpoint of a spinning wheel.

f l i c k e r i n g . f l a m e s

A candle flame seems consistent,

but every moment it is a new one.

Present moment is the real thing,

past and future are just thoughts.

If consciousness is a candle flame,

the fuel to burn it must be our karma.

If the karma for a life time is burned out,

consciousness will still be there as bright as ever

for it is self luminous as the masters point out.

and I believe those enlightened are not the lying types.

But life is not a picnic, and there is no free lunch,

and the business of 'karma burning' will really kill us!

The body gets weather beaten, the face gets sun burned,

the mind gets tired of stimuli and the eyes lose focus.

The warning on the package starts to show up,

'Living fully is injurious to health,

and nobody leaves this planet alive!'

It is difficult for ordinary mortals like us,

to stay non reactive and dispassionate

through the ups and downs of the day

like a flame that's not flickering.

The smell of great cooking

and the passions of the senses

pull us back in to the clinging mode,

like the proverbial monkey that's trapped

with its tight fist in the jaggery pot.

It's always the flesh vs. the soul,

or the Animal over the Anima.

Then the pain follows the passion always,

like the shadow that follows a night rider.

But we become wiser eventually to feel that

the storm of the season shall also pass

and start looking at the small things closer.

We become skillful to do simple tasks better

and we learn to be with the new moment,

which is here and now already!

photo: 'inner sun'/sebastian©2009

j u s t . o n c e

.

Over the dry residue of an ancient fossil trail,



molten shadows of desert wind wails in a distance.

Mirages rise behind a group of departed souls,



breezing over the frozen waves of quicksand.

Grandma passed yesterday smiling,



she was full of love, the tough kind.



I still see her smile fading into the window glass,


like an old memory of a twilight rain.






Grandpa passed a while ago,




he did translate an ancient bible,




the 'real' one, he used to say.



He had time only to do it once.




There is time to write one book,



only to tell just one great story.



There is only time for one good song



if one wants to sing the best one of all.



One can almost complete a great painting,



just enough time for one original poem,



make one good friend, gamble once,



and bloom once, all through that spring,



fall in love one time and kiss good bye,



eat a good meal, a memorable one,



fall down once and hit the rock bottom,



regain strength, learn to get up,



go to the beach and smell the salt in the air,



take one fresh breath and that ’s it!



_____________________________________

On his deathbed artist Edgar Degas said,



“Damn…and just when I was starting to get the hang of it!”




photo: 'Frozen wind' /Texas plains /sebastian©2008

Tao . it-ting !

Everything is in motion,
transitory and transient,
passing and impermanent.
Then one has to accept that
everything is new
every day
each moment
always,
all the time!

It is not solid at all
and ultimately there is no it;
just an on going process of it-ting!
'Tao of it-ting !'

photo: 'morning fishing' /kochi, kerala /sebastian©2009

p r o j e c t i o n s

Most of the time it is not the outside reality that determines my experiences; what 's inside me matters more. It is as if I am projecting it outward. My responses to situations matter. The feedback of the world will depend on it. I am like a projector and a movie camera combined, observing and projecting at the same time. The imprints inside basically determine the story of the movie. My observation is also based on my bio-wiring as I have a certain learned way of seeing. Ultimately I am responsible for the feedback.

Destiny & free will

Destiny or free will?

Which is more prominent?

Which is really at play?

This the question of the day.

Most of us who believe in hard work think it is our free will that shapes up our destiny. We can not stay back and let the destiny take care of things; that 's fatalism. But even after all the toil, behind all the twists and turns in life, one feels a pattern of destiny inter-woven into our application of free will. No matter how hard we try, certain things happen in its own pace with its own outcome. In truth, nobody has the crystal ball to foresee the future.

In quantum theory there is the possibility of many universes existing at the same time. So when I think that there is free will at work, there is another me in another dimension making another choice and acting upon it! I feel it is weird to think that multiple copies of me running around at the same time! Then again, it is quantum physics.

The neurologist V. S. Ramachandran (UCLA, California) talks about an experiment. He asked a person to wiggle his finger at any time he wished. To wiggle the finger it takes two steps; first decide it and then wiggle. The study on the brain waves during this process showed that the sensation when you asked your finger to wiggle came after a second your brain kicked in. Even though you think that you are willing to wiggle, it is your brain that is willing you to will! So the brain is responding ahead of your will and yours is a post-rationalization! This shows that free will is a questionable concept. Rather biological hardwiring is more at work here!

Does this mean that the secret code of destiny is embedded in our brain already?

According to Ramana Maharshi, both are applicable only to the ego which is not our real self. As everything is manifestations of SELF, there is no relevance to the concepts of destiny or free will. The only purpose of life is to be one with the absolute by abiding in the self always. His suggestion is self inquiry and find out to whom destiny and free will are supposed to be relevant to. Thus the only question to ponder over is 'who am I?' Then both will get transcended.

A pretty radical position indeed.

graphics: "pathway" /sebastian©2009

a u t o . p i l o t

My dog Leia dislikes squirrels. Her tail jumps up and the hairs on her back stand up when she sees one. I always wonder about this reaction and it still intrigues me how we too feel uncomfortable around some people without any apparent reason. On the other hand, when we're with some other beings, everything falls in place, we feel at ease and sometimes even just the memory of them or a phone call will bring the same positivity into the day. There are subtle things which trigger these kinds of rearrangements in our daily life in which we are also co-creaters, I guess. Our reactions and responses determine the feel of the next moment. A continuation of these quality moments leads to a major shift which triggers the next chain of positive events.

Leia is reacting as if on 'auto-pilot'. Is it possible for us to respond against our biology? Another way of responding to the same situation may launch us into a totally different trajectory.

photo: 'leia' /2007©sebastian

Memory Trail

Memory is a funny thing.

It mixes up the real and the unreal

and it changes each time I recall.

Was it really happened, I wonder.

I think people die and resurrect

within this same life, many times.

As the space changes, time changes.

But memories don't go away.

The smell of fresh cut grass

and the fragrance of wet soil after the new rain,

all bring memories of intimate spaces,

are they from the past life or this one?

Memories of all my mothers of past lives,

and all my brothers, lovers and sisters...

A gentle presence of a lost friend,

a distant call of my ancient names.

Have I stayed in that hotel room and slept tired,

when I was my own great great grand father

Does that oak tree recognize me now

That mountain, the river and the lake?

All have that familiar look in their eyes.

I feel all of us are dancing in a time warp

or in the whirlpool of a timeless soup!

It is raining heavily here, all day and all night

and I feel like melting into the wet soil.

photo: 'september rain' /wyanad, kerala/ sebastian©2009.

m o r n i n g . m a g i c

Morning has broken. Young sun is celebrating the trees. The birds are chirping around the sunlit leaves. Air is thin and the light is transparent. The particles in the air are glittering like star dust. Night owls and other shady characters are gone and the 'health-enthusiasts' are jogging like Labrador retrievers. The air has the magical smell of a new born baby's breath. Everything is appearing in front of us so fresh as though for the first time. A new planet is born every morning.

Slowly sun begins to climb up. People are starting chores and running around with their 'to-do' lists. Business as usual takes over. Then around noon, as if the day is having a mid-life crisis, everything slowly becomes mundane as the lighting becomes ordinary, the freshness disappears and the day starts looking flat like a dry, dusty, grey wall.

Is this all just one perception of an urban mid-day, or is the magic still in the air, hiding somewhere?

Photo: 'Near Rothko Chapel, Houston'/ Sebastian©2009

n o i s e . c a n c e l i n g

I like my head phones with the noise-canceling feature. The in-flight hum is not there any more. The head phone neutralizes the outside noise by producing a counter noise which is barely audible. Not a very perfect technology, I agree. But it works; well, almost. What if in a noisy downtown apartment, install a machine which sucks all the noise around and brings total silence to the space. That would be ideal. But a person who has developed a skill to be one with silence even right in the middle of chaotic noise is, shall we say, 'device independent'?

On the other hand, many of us are afraid of silence and addicted to noise. If there is no talk going on in a get together, it is commonly called an 'awkward silence'. We are comfortable with the noise of the mind which is that of chatter. Hum of the mind, the perpetual 'thought generator', is considered normal.

If a monk starts hearing ringing sounds inside his ear during meditations, in some schools of practice, it is considered as a sign of his arrival at a higher level. Either in deep silence his mind is sharp enough to listen to his own neurons firing in the brain or the blood flowing through arteries; or he is hearing a sound which is not at all there. Who knows?

Sometimes words are not needed to convey something; or spoken language is inadequate. Lovers can communicate silently. Mothers and children can also do this. Masters and mystics have the history of communicating through silence. There is something meaningful about the deep silence of a Buddha. Ramana Maharshi was known for his silent initiations.

One thing is true; it is a powerful state of mind to be silent on command, as if one has found the off switch to shut the mind up so that it won't take over the sharpness of our awareness.

graphic: 'waves' /sebastian©2009

l a b y r i n t h

One analogy came to my mind is that life is like a complex labyrinth placed in the middle of an arena. We enter the Colosseum, wander around, excited in the beginning to see the curious pathways and hidden openings. The surprises that await in the next turn keep us hooked.

By making choices, applying micro analysis, digging deep holes and new tunnels, selecting the best and competing to acquire more; we are toiling to move forward. During this process, we are making the labyrinth more complex. All the 'upgrades' and 'developments' through generations, have made it a complicated build up. Now the structure has already taken over the function, whatever it was supposed to be.

This Colosseum has five gates like five sense organs. The pathways of the maze are like brain foldings. One can get an areal view of the whole labyrinth up from the gallery steps. The more upward one climbs the less complex the maze will be, because one can see the structure vividly from up above.

During the frenzy of the rat-race, once in a while one gets the glimpses of the steps. But the call of the enchanted maze and the desire to get into it keep one trapped in the labyrinth. It's easy to walk up the steps and sit there to observe and enjoy the whole drama. Then the story seems less spicy, or there is no story to it at all.

We all are hooked to spices, I guess.

Labyrinth: (Classical Mythology) A vast maze built in Crete by Daedalus, at the command of King Minos, to house the Minotaur.

graphic collage: 'mind bend'/ watercolour/ sebastian©2009

i n t o . s o m e t h i n g

She said, “ Looking at your latest, I think you are into something here.” I felt assured about my own assumptions as my work was almost taking a new turn. But “into something”, needed more clarification, and that did not happen. Then she added,
“at first I was not into it, now when I look at it again, it grows on me, now I am liking it. I love it”
“Great! but why?” “I can not figure out exactly why, right now”, she said.
I was left with my own devices for the whole evening.

It is difficult to look at my own work as someone else's. The final product is not what I see. I have vivid memories of the whole process. So the moment I see the completed work, everything I had gone through flashes in my mind and I can not separate myself from it. It may be possible after a long period of time; years may be. But the 'into something' factor is very important. This is the moment I hit that particular 'note'. That is the base 'note' for my next composition. It is not a high note or a lower one. Hitting a unique note happens when a 'letting go' moment comes, after a long period of hard work. The structured period brings something fluid and dynamic later. So let me hold on to this into something for now.

The rules in art are created by us and that freedom makes it risky. Convictions are formed when concepts start materializing right in front of us. If we do not say no to art, that means yes. I think when one do not have anything else to trust or to depend on, the total commitment comes naturally; no choice there. If I say I am an artist; then I am, and I start feeling like one. The work proves it along the way. Anything we value determines our life. I think and feel art. That's it.

________________________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend."
(Albert Camus)

photo: 'the rock' /irving texas /2009©sebastian

t h i n . a i r

I am sitting in this park bench.
It feels like I am melting into thin air.
Am I here now, or am I vanishing slowly?
Let me pinch my arm or punch myself hard
Let me yell and scream at the top of my lungs
and kick my left leg with the right one,
to know my real placement in this space.

I pass through the space silently
even when I am sitting in this park bench.
And the space is passing through me, each moment
even though I am a part of everything around me.

The path in front is grounding the space above it
and the particles in the beams of sun glitter like memories.
I move forward like a dolphin in the ocean or a bird in the clouds.
My left and right are co-ordinated in a perfect space-balance
and the floor below and axis above my head place me right here.
I am supposed to be here, this moment; otherwise I would not be.

If I expand and dissolve; with a "poof!",

I would be vanished into thin air, just like that.
It won't make any noise at all, may be a subtle swish!
No proof of me being here would be remaining afterwards.
No vacuum would be felt and no memory would be left.
Not even the traces of my dreams would be in the air!

Is this a choice? why am I anxious?
Am I to forgive myself and let me go?
If I do it, will I be able to return intact,
and will all be fine afterwards?
When all things are considered,
I still strongly suggest to myself,
better to surrender now than later.


photo: 'park bench' / irving texas /sebastian©2009

f a r . a n d . n e a r

The boy grew up hearing it every day, this magical sound
coming from the mountains up above his home in the valley.
It was more audible and sweet during the day breaks.
Though feeble and subtle, it always gave him some hope.
Every morning he would wait in bed to listen for it.
He grew up thinking it as a graceful thing in his life.

When he became a young man, one morning he decided
to climb the mountain, the source of this celestial euphony.
It took a long time and hard work for him to reach at the peak
and the sound became louder as he was approaching the top.

Then he saw there were these two trees rubbing each other!
When came closer the screeching sound was unbearable!




*The seed of this story came from an old Iranian friend.
Photo: 'way to Kanyakumari' /India /sebastian©2009

h u m

It was a bright west coast evening.
I was having dinner with a friend
in the garden of a Mexican restaurant.
There was a cute humming bird around.

The humming bird looked like she was standing in the air
as her wings were almost invisible with the speed...
I could almost hear the humming of the bird's wings.
Yes, there was a whisper of a hum there, for sure.

When do the humans hum usually?
The person who is bored hum sometimes.
It can also happen in a relaxed setting.
Humming might be a sign of being in
an uncomfortable situation in which,
out of nervousness, a person starts humming.
There are spiritual humming and mourning ones
and there are enchanting ones those of
a mother easing a child gently into slumber.

photo: 'humming bird' / Malibu/ sebastian©2009

g o t . l u c k y !

The reflections of dancing lights in the canal
The abstract movements of colorful highlights
The molecules of water are enjoying the dance
As the lights are also encouraging the reflections

The wavy sway of tall grass in the distant prairie,
The wild flowers bloom with an orgasmic shudder
both the sides of highways, the Blue Bonnets of Texas pride
as the last of bees on their way to extinction have got lucky!

t i m e . c r u n c h!

When we are young, our aspiration about an exciting future is the strong driving force. Too many places to go, people to meet, too many things to do. There are too many choices in front. It takes a big chunk of our lives to find out what we are really good at, if at all we find that 'call' in life. Then we need more time to master the skills to do it perfect. This 'time crunch' humans face is very real for us, even when there are other ways of looking at the concept of 'time' in our life. It shows that the 'feeling' of life is more true and real than analyzing its various aspects. Analysis has a delay in real time where as feeling happens in the now.

"Time does not exist as we know it,

it's just a construct of the mind" -Etkhart Tolle


photocollage: 'young faces' /students of a high school in Arizona /2007©sebastian